slow to anger

"Lord, You are gracious
You are slow to anger
Abounding in love 
You are good to all..."

shane&shane sing this beautiful rendition of psalm 145, which has been playing over and over in my mind for the last week. the literal verses read:

the LORD is gracious and merciful,
        slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love.
    the LORD is good to all,
        and his mercy is over all that he has made.
(Psalm 145:8-9 ESV)

i've known these verses for a long time, but something new clicked as i listened. i am often frustrated with the Lord when he doesn't answer my prayers. "Lord, we have needs, we have hopes, we need your divine intervention, and You seem so slow to answer! You seem so content to let us fret and fear and wonder and we need a Provider!" (in my weaker moments, ok maybe more often than not)

and that's when it clicked.

all this time i've been thinking how patient with the Lord i'm being. waiting on Him. trusting Him. not seeing, but walking by faith. and in reality, he's the one who is being so incredibly patient with me, his child, so slow to see his unfolding plan. he is slow to anger towards me! he is being gracious towards me! he is loving and abounding in good works towards me! with all my kicking and pleading and striving to get what i think i need, his loving plan for my life is being worked out, through the testing, through the waiting, through the praying. he is producing (hopefully) a harvest of righteousness in my heart, in my husband's heart, maybe even in those around us.

so today, my subconscious thoughts cannot be,
i am gracious towards the LORD,
i am slow to anger towards him,
i know what's best for my life, no.

but rather,

    You open your hand;
        you satisfy the desire of every living thing.
    the LORD is righteous in all his ways
        and kind in all his works.
    the LORD is near to all who call on him,
        to all who call on him in truth.
    he fulfills the desire of those who fear him;
        he also hears their cry and saves them.
(Psalm 145:16-19 ESV)

p.s. if you know of anyone who would like to buy a townhouse in DC or Vancouver, let me know!